I'm gonna miss this

My perspective on being a mother changes all the time. Things I used to think "I would never do" I have done. Things I used to think "I will never think" I have thought. Everything changes when you become a mother. It really is the hardest job on earth, not matter what anyone says. No matter how many children (Although I am certain it gets harder!). No matter where you live. No matter how much money you have. No matter if you work outside of the home, or in. After being Gavin's mommy for one year, I feel incredibly blessed to be where I am, right now. Even though I would not want it any other way, there were and there are times when I just want to scream. Maybe out of frustration because I have not slept. Maybe because my patience is running out. Maybe because I try to do more than I can handle sometimes. Last night something happened.


Gavin has been a little off these past few days, and 2 new teeth coming in. Naps are a little short, and sometimes non-existent. Night time sleep is disrupted, and that makes for a cranky baby and mommy. Last night, after a very fun filled day, G would not go to sleep. Every time I put him down, he would scream and try to jump back in my arms, All he wanted to do was be held. I knew he did not feel good, and knew that my arms were the only place he felt safe and happy. But I was exhausted. I was tired, and I wanted to relax. I kept trying to put him in bed, with it ending in him screaming and screaming. I gave in and held him. I brought him to bed and he was hugging me so tight. He would not let go. He fell asleep, and was still hugging me very tightly. I realized while we were in bed, that he needs me so much right now, and I am sure gonna miss this one day. He loves to be held, and snuggle, and I know I'm gonna miss this. For sure. So I realized that maybe somewhere in my new mommy brain, I need to let some things go. Some ways of thinking I have. That things need to be this way or that. My thoughts about schedules. I want to really remember this time, and not wish it away, waiting for what's "next." So I am gonna soak it all in, enjoy it, and just do what feels right...because down the road, I'm sure gonna miss this.


Something clicked in my brain. This time now. This time where Gavin is such a momma's boy, and only will be held by me. This time where we are loosing sleep due to two new teeth coming in. This time where Gavin and I spend so much time together. This time where we, a family of three, get to be with each other, and focus our attention on only us. This time where I only have one baby. One day, when Gavin is grown up, I am gonna look back and I'm gonna miss thistime. So here is to living in the moment, and loving each and every moment with my boys. Even the frustrating and trying times. Because one day I'm gonna miss this.